I love this painting even though my favorite wise man, St. Balthasar, is white (and it looks a little like St. Melchior might be saying something like 'I got your toe.")
Ransomed From Darkness
I read Moira Noonan's account of her experience in the New Age in 2018.
Back then it seemed like everyone who'd ever left the New Age and occult had done so in order to become a born-again Protestant.
But Noonan had returned to the Catholic Church. Her book, Ransomed From Darkness (affiliate link), was a resource I referred to again and again. It helped me understand that I could come back to the Catholic faith I had left behind some twenty years earlier, if I chose to do so. And finally I did choose, with the help of God's providence.
So when I decided to write my testimony, I hoped that my story might play a part in someone else's return to Catholicism - the way Moira Noonan's had in mine.
My Testimony
Unfortunately, the closer I got to finishing the book, I now called New Age To Catholic, the more reservations I had about publishing it. Finally last month I realized why that was.
I'd set out to write a story about New Age and occult deception and where that deception had taken me. And I'd ended up with a book that was mostly about intelligent evil.
I'm not saying that story isn’t worth telling because maybe it is.
But it isn't my testimony.
My testimony isn't about demons or darkness or how far I fell. It's about God and God's providence and how I came back to the Catholic Church.
So I decided to just tell that story - the God and Church story - in its shortest possible form and post it here on the blog.
I will continue to talk about the dangers of the New Age and occult here, and in the podcast. But, for now at least, I am setting the full length account of my experience aside.
Which leaves me space to do other things - like work on my novel and do media and make things for my Etsy shop. And, for now, that's enough.
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To read my online testimony please see My Story.
Please note, this post contains affiliate links. This means that if you purchase through one of my links, I may earn a small commission at no cost to you.
On the surface the film Prey for the Devil is about exorcism and the (superior) power of a female exorcist. But there are other subtler points made that are well worth looking at.All are anti-Catholic but what I found especially interesting is the subtle, almost subliminal way some of this information is presented. It's worth considering, in my opinion, why this is.
Please listen to my review in the podcast episode below.
November 1st is All Saints Day. It is a holy day of obligation in the Catholic Church and one of my favorite feast days.
On this All Saints Day, I went to Mass early and walked home under a gray sky, just before it rained.
I like walking home from Mass - even though the hill can be challenging - because it gives me a chance to think about my confession, if I made one, and anything else I might want to remember.
These are the things I want to remember from today's service:
All Saints Day gives us an opportunity to honor saints who may not be honored otherwise.
Veneration of the saints is one of the things that sets us apart as Catholics.
Thanks to our Catholic Faith, we are given reason to hope that we may someday be among them.
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For more on All Saints Day, please see today's SSPX Newsletter
Screenshot of a Google image of the Chapel I attend (I hope to share a clearer pic sometime soon)
Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house there are many mansions. If not, I would have told you: because I go to prepare a place for you. And if I shall go, and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and will take you to myself... - John 14:1-3 (DR)
About Interior Castle
Or maybe it's more accurate to say that what pertains to me personally is mostly in the beginning. So that's what I'm going to write about here.
About St. Teresa of Avila
St. Teresa of Avila was a leader and reformer of the Carmelite Orders of both women and men and the first female Doctor of the Catholic Church. She was courageous. She was articulate. And she was devoted to God.
St. Teresa was born in Ávila, Spain in 1515. She was a noblewoman whose paternal grandfather was a marrano (or forced Jewish convert to Christianity). At age 20, she entered the Carmelite Order. She read widely throughout her life. Her writing include an autobiography (The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus), The Way of Perfection and Interior Castle.
When St. Teresa began Interior Castle on Trinity Sunday, June 2nd, 1577, she was already on the radar of the Inquisitors. That may be why she is self-effacing, in the writing that follows, calling herself foolhardy or wretched, a mere woman writing for her fellow sisters only because women understand other women best.
Or that may be how she actually thought of herself. She was humble, after all. A saint.
And a mystic.
There is a lot about mysticism I don't understand but there are couple of things that I notice in St. Teresa's writing. My first observation is that legitimate mystical experience requires an unusually high degree of personal sanctity. The second is that mysticism calls for an intense and unwavering desire to get as close to God as is humanly possible.
That St. Teresa had such a desire from a young age, is obvious. We can see it in the story of how she set out for land of the Moors, as a child of seven, in order to be martyred and then see heaven. And we can see that same dedication shining through the words that she wrote.
The Interior Castle Framework
I began to think of the soul as if it were a castle made of a single diamond or of very clear crystal, in which there are many rooms, just as in Heaven there are many Mansions. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
While St. Teresa often speaks of multiple castles or mansions the model she uses is one of rooms or levels in a greater castle which is ruled by God. The rooms are numbered one through seven, but are at the same time innumerable.
St. Teresa is clear in saying that the castle itself is something which we should not expect to ever understand fully.
...there is no point in our fatiguing ourselves by attempting to comprehend the beauty of this castle...the very fact that His Majesty says it is made in His image means that we can hardly form any conception of the soul's great dignity and beauty. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
We also are shown that we should not think of the various floors or chambers in a strictly linear way.
Let us now imagine that this castle, as I have said, contains many mansions, some above, others below, others at each side; and in the center and midst of them all is the chiefest mansion where the most secret things pass between God and the soul. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
Entering into the Castle
The chambers that St. Teresa describes are beautifully and progressively filled with light but they are not, even on the lowest level, accessible to everyone.
...there are souls so infirm and so accustomed to busying themselves with outside affairs that nothing can be done for them, and it seems as thought they are incapable of entering with themselves at all. So accustomed have they grown to living all the time with the reptiles and other creature to be found in the outer court of the castle that they have almost become like them; and although by nature they are so richly endowed as to have the power of holding converse with none other than God Himself, there is nothing that can be done for them. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
While not everyone can enter the castle, those who do will come through the doorway of prayer.
As far as I can understand, the door of entry into this castle is prayer and meditation: I do not say mental prayer rather than vocal for, if it is prayer at all, it must be accompanied by meditation. If a person does not think Whom he is addressing ...I do not consider that he is praying at all even though he be constantly moving his lips. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
Leaving behind the poor "paralyzed souls" who are unable to gain entry, St. Teresa moves on to talk about those in a second group who may (or may not) enter in. St. Theresa describes them as people who...
...are very much absorbed in worldly affairs; but their desires are good; sometimes, though infrequently they commend themselves to Our Lord and they think about the state of their souls, though not very carefully. Full of a thousand preoccupations as they are, they pray on a few times a month and as a rule they are thinking all the time of their preoccupations, for the are very much attached to them, and, where their treasure is there is their heart. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
To my mind, this describes most of us. But I found that encouraging because it also holds out the hope that those who develop a true awareness of their worldly state may achieve ground level access.
The First Castle
From time to time, however they shake their mind free of them [meaning their worldly concerns] and it is a great thing that they should know themselves well enough to realize that they are not going the right way to reach the castle door. Eventually they enter the first rooms on the lowest floor, but so many reptiles get in with them they are unable to appreciate the beautify of the castle or to find any peace within it. Still they have done a good deal by entering at all. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
The idea that we can be within the castle but still caught up in worldly desires highlights the fact that entry is only a beginning.
You must note that the light which comes from the palace occupied by the King hardly reaches these first Mansions at all; for, although they are not dark and black, as...the soul...in a state of sin, they are to some extent darkened ... because ... snakes and vipers and poisonous creatures .... have come in with the soul .... [and] prevent it from seeing the light. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
My Reaction
Remember that in few of the mansions of this castle are we free from struggles with devils ... it is most important that we should not cease to be watchful against the devil's wiles, lest he deceive in the guise of an angel of light. For there are a multitude of ways in which he can deceive us, and gradually make his way into the castle, and until he is actually there we do not realize it. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
I think about the poisonous reptiles in my waking life.
Full of a thousand preoccupations as they are, they pray only a few times a month and as a rule they are thinking all the time of their preoccupations, for the are very much attached to them, and, where their treasure is there is their heart.
I think about my own attachments and feel quite sure that I am part of the ground level group St. Teresa describes above.
I remember how spiritually advanced I imagined myself to be when I was involved in the new age and the occult. I find it interesting that now, having returned to the Church, I'm struck by how spiritually remedial I actually am.
My Application
I set aside Interior Castle and take a short personal inventory. I come up with seven behaviors that I would like to change. And I know that I'm right to want to change them. These are things that stand between me and God or at the very least show that I don't really trust him.
This is how I know that I am over my head with Interior Castle. While I know that I will read the rest of it anyway, I also know that it's the first chapter I need to focus on. I remember that St. Teresa said we enter the castle through the doorway of prayer so I know that prayer is the key.
I order a book that Fr. Chad Ripperger recommends called The Ways of Mental Prayer. It promises an explanation of contemplative prayer that is based on of the work of St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross, St. Francis de Sales and others.
I think about the Interior Castle a lot over the next couple of days. I know it's not especially impressive to find myself stuck in the entryway to St. Teresa's beautiful palace. But to me it feels like a discovery.
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There are several versions of Interior Castle available. The one I've linked in this post is the Dover Thrift Edition ($4.99).
Is Near-Death Experience Demonic? Dr. Ray Moody, My Experience & More (Article & Podcast)
October 3, 2022
Lecture and Meeting with Dr. Moody
Several years ago, when I was still very much involved with the Spiritualists, I heard Dr. Ray Moody speak on the topic of near-death experience at a nearby Spiritualist church. Like many people in the audience, I had been influenced by Dr. Moody's first book, "Life After Life" and considered him an authority on near-death experience (a phrase coined by Moody himself).
Written in 1975, "Life After Life," is based on case studies of people who reported having had very similar, apparently spiritual experiences when very near death. The book became a runaway best-seller and near-death experience (or NDE) became a household word.
I found Dr. Moody to be a charming and articulate speaker. His presentation covered a range of NDE related topics which included history, philosophy and the nature of the NDE itself. In this article I will touch upon some of them.
According to Dr. Moody, the common elements of the NDE included the experience of a hyper-reality which is largely indescribable, vivid color, a warm and loving light, the presence of deceased loved ones and a panoramic life review. In some NDEs a being of great compassion conducts the review and tells the individual that they must return to their former life. To the best of my memory, negative or "hellish" NDEs were not discussed.
Dr. Moody talked about the ancient Greeks, and their ideas about life after death, at length. Among other things, we learned that the ancients had a word for spirits who survived death and that these returning dead were called revenants (from the Latin reveniens - "coming back" or "returning").
In mythology, revenants are often animated corpses (similar to classic ideas about vampires) as well as ghosts. If this was referenced in the lecture, I did not make a note of it.
Dr. Moody was especially interested in the practice necromancy in ancient Greece - so interested in this topic, in fact, that visited the ruins of the oracle of the dead in Greece, at Ephyra. Ephyra was a place thought to be the gateway to the underworld.
Upon returned to his home in Anniston Alabama, Dr. Moody set about constructing his own oracle of the dead (or necromanteion). In his book, "Reunions," Moody shares his own experience with the dead in his necromanteion and gives explicit instructions in how to construct one. The women who ran the Spiritualist circle I attended at the time, build her own necromanteion per his instructions.
The Influence of Ancient Greece
...what pagans sacrifice, they sacrifice to demons and not to God. I do not want you to be partners with demons. - 1 Corinthians 10:20-22 NRSV-CE
At the time I heard Dr. Moody speak, I was deeply involved in mediumship under the auspices of the Spiritualists. One of the first things things taught in our weekly "spirit circle" was to connect with our own personal spirit guide who would assist in contacting the dead. My guide, as it turned out, was tied to the same culture that had fascinated Dr. Moody - ancient Greece.
I became convinced of this not through imagination but through the information I was given. This included obscure historic details that I was not aware of prior to my "spirit guide" experience.
At the time, the fact that Dr. Moody and I were both interested in ancient Greece seemed like a delightful "synchronicity."
When I asked him for book recommendations he happily gave me the names of two books on necromancy, The Greek Magical Papyri in Translation and Greek and Roman Necromancy. Both of which I bought.
But what stood out to most both then and now about that lecture was what Dr. Moody said about a life almost wholly devoted to the study of NDE . Everything I have done in life, he told, is because of my interest in ancient Greece.
Not faith. Not science. Greece.
Ancient Greek culture was wonderful in many ways but the religion of Greece and its emphasis on the dreams and the dead was dark. And it is no coincidence, in my opinion, that those who are deeply interested in mediumship and witchcraft are drawn to it.
Is Near-Death Experience of demonic origin? Or is it a true experience of the divine?
I'm not sure. But an analysis of Scripture in Our Sunday Visitor rings true to me:
There are, however, some details [of NDEs] that seem at odds with Biblical accounts of what happens after we die. The Scriptures do not say we die and at once experience the pleasantries of heaven. Rather, our first destination is the judgment seat of Christ (cf. 2 Cor 5:10, Heb 9:27). Further, St. Paul describes a kind of fire that both purifies us and burns away any imperfections: “[The judgment day] will be revealed with fire, and the fire [itself] will test the quality of each one’s work. If the work stands that someone built upon the foundation, that person will receive a wage. But if someone’s work is burned up, that one will suffer loss; the person will be saved, but only as through fire” (1 Cor 3:13-15) Hence, Scripture does not present dying as mere or immediate pleasantries. Why do most NDEs skip these steps if they are authentic? - Our Sunday Visitor "What Should Catholics Make of Near-Death Experience"
I share a bit more on this topic in my podcast which you can listen to via the player below. Pictures of myself and Dr. Moody follow the player. If you are receiving this post via the elist and do not see the player you can access it directly through the blog or on the podcast page (at NewAgeToCatholic.com)
I hope to write more about this subject, both in my testimony that I have gone back to (again) and here in the blog. So please check back!
Dr. Moody and Me
Dr. Ray Moody is a lovely, gracious man and I enjoyed meeting him. This article does not in any way imply that he is a bad or evil person. I do believe however that it is easier to be negatively influenced, or deceived, than most people realize and have personal reservations about NDEs.
In this episode of New Age To Catholic, I talk about the concept of a Catholic "Rule of Life" and how it is directly opposed by the teachings of occultists like Aleister Crowley and Gerald Gardener. Topics covered include what a Rule of Life is and how having such a rule can help us withstand the many influences of popular culture. Relevant occult history is also discussed.
Please note: This is a new idea I'm just beginning to grapple with and I could have expressed it better. I will be doing some sort of blog post on it very soon, which will hopefully explain it better!
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To hear Fr. Ripperger's teaching on developing a Rule of Life please check out this video.
Today August 22nd, 2022 is the celebration of the Queenship of Mary. The day falls on the octave (8th day) after the Assumption and celebrates the coronation of Mary Queen of Heaven.
It is also the the second anniversary of this blog which was started on August 22, 2020 and my birthday.
Usually, in the days leading up to all of that I pause to take stock of my life and work and make plans for the coming year. While I haven't really done that this year, I do know that I want to increase my devotion to the Blessed Mother in the months ahead and to start spending more time on my Etsy shop and home projects.
I don't see any big changes looming in terms of my writing or media. I just want to continue on as I have been. It is my prayer, however, that a renewed focus on the Queen of Heaven will inform all of everything I do.
Thanks to everyone who has been keeping me company on this crazy journey!
I was walking through my hometown on the feast of the Assumption when I happened upon this beautiful Mary shrine. I decided to take some pictures and didn’t notice the ray light until I shared them later online.
The Assumption of Mary Novena is started on August 7th and finishes on August 15th. The feast day of the Assumption of Mary, which is a holy day of obligation in the Catholic Church, is on August 15th.
Novena Prayer*
Eternal Father, you graciously looked upon the humility of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and made her to be the Mother of the Word Incarnate, Jesus Christ our Lord. Grant we beseech you that we who honor her Assumption into the Kingdom of Heaven, may by her Motherly intercession also come to share in the inheritance of those whom you have redeemed by the precious Blood of your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.Most holy Immaculate Virgin and my Mother Mary, to thee who art the Mother of my Lord, the Queen of the world, the advocate, the hope, and the refuge of sinners, I have recourse today, I who am the most miserable of all. I render thee my most humble homage, O great Queen, and I thank thee for all the graces thou hast conferred on me until now. I love thee, O most amiable Lady; and for the love which I bear thee, I promise to serve thee always, and to do all in my power to make others love thee also. Dearest Mother bring before the throne of your beloved Son the prayers and intentions I ask during this novena.
(Here we mention our prayers. Pray for the intentions of our Holy Father the Pope, and for all the clergy. Pray also for the sick and dying, and for the suffering souls in purgatory)
I place in thee all my hopes; I confide my salvation to thy care. Accept me for thy servant, and receive me under thy mantle, O Mother of Mercy. And as thou art so powerful with God, deliver me from all temptations, or rather obtain for me the strength to triumph over them until death. Of thee I ask a perfect love for Jesus Christ. Through thee I hope to die a good death. O my Mother, by the love which thou bearest to God, I beseech thee to help me at all times, especially at the last moment of my life. Leave me not, I beseech thee, until I am safe in heaven, blessing thee, and singing thy mercies for all eternity. Amen.
The Memorare.
Assumption of Mary Prayer Card
About This Episode
Podcast
Video
- To read my testimony please see OfAngelsAndDemons.com/p/my-story.html
- To download my testimony as a free PDF please visit my author website here BarbaraGraver.com/new-age-to-catholic/
- To learn more about the SSPX please check out SSPXpodcast.com
- Watch the documentary on Archbishop Lefebvre here youtube.com/watch?v=Cf9oy7wDkms
- To subscribe to my YouTube channel please visit YouTube.com/c/BarbaraGraver
- And please don't forget to follow my podcast, New Age To Catholic, on most major podcast apps, if you don't already!
She shall not fear for her house in the cold of snow: for all her domestics are clothed with double garments. She hath made for herself clothing of tapestry: fine linen, and purple is her covering. Her husband is honourable in the gates, when he sitteth among the senators of the land. She made fine linen, and sold it, and delivered a girdle to the Chanaanite. Strength and beauty are her clothing, and she shall laugh in the latter day. - Proverbs 31:21-25
St. Anne is the mother of Mary, and grandmother of Jesus. To be honest, I have never actually had a much of a devotion to St. Anne but today is her feast day which leads me to ask:
Why is St. Anne so important?
A few years ago I might have said that St. Anne was important because she was the mother of Mary - and not been impressed. Because, at that time in my life, I felt a little sorry for women who seemed to lose themselves in their children.
And I very much wanted to be "more than a mother."
Today, of course, I would be happy to go back and "just" be that. But this post isn't about me, or at least not only about me. It's about women and mothers why the enemy seems so determined to destroy us.
Back to the Garden
And the serpent said to the woman: No, you shall not die the death. For God doth know that in what day soever you shall eat thereof, your eyes shall be opened: and you shall be as Gods... - Genesis 3:4-5
I saw a headstone once in the cemetery where many of the members of my family are buried. Beloved Wife, it said on the front. And then on the back, engraved so lightly I almost missed it:
"And where Eve was, there was Eden."
How beautiful, I thought then. But now I think, how true.
As woman, we have the power to create or destroy our homes - practically, emotionally and spiritually. Which is probably why God did not want Israelite men to marry foreign (pagan) women.
It is also, in my opinion, why Satan has targeted women - going all the way back to the beginning.
The lie Satan told Eve was the lie that brought down a third of God's holy angels - a false promise that has been made over and over again by the occult, and the New Age, and the society we live in.
And it keeps right on repeating, telling us we can attain wisdom and enlightenment by exalting ourselves - and that freedom from authority is the key to our glory.
A Modern Application
He was a murderer from the beginning, and he stood not in the truth; because truth is not in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father thereof. - John 8:44
The promise Satan made to Eve is a lie. But it is persistent.
In modern society, the lie is shored up by things like abortion and divorce and the proliferation of single parent families - and all of this is destructive. I know that first-hand because I got divorced when my youngest son was two and went on to head a single parent family. Sadly, in many ways, my children have paid the price.
And they are not alone.
In a 2014 article by Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at the University of California, San Francisco, Dr. Jane Anderson cites multiple studies which identify the following challenges in children whose parents divorce:
- Lost time with each parent
- Decreased economic security
- Lose of emotional security
- Decreased social and psychological maturation
- Changes in outlook on sexual behavior
- Loss of religious faith and practice (Myers 1996)
- Decreased cognitive and academic stimulation
- Diminished physical health
- Increased risk of emotional distress
There are clearly negative long-term consequences of divorce—children, parents, and society all suffer. Wallerstein's long-term study shows that many children never have full “recovery” as each special event, holiday, or celebration reminds the child of his/her loss. Given these tremendous costs borne by all individuals affected by divorce, as well as the costs to society, it is the responsibility of physicians—especially pediatricians, who care for children in the context of their families—to advocate for public health policies that promote marriage and decrease the likelihood of divorce. - Dr. Jane Anderson, MD
So marriage and traditional approach to family is important. But what about St. Anne?
Interestingly, even though I am now a very different person, my opinion about St. Anne hasn't really changed. I still think that St. Anne is important because she was a wife and a mother. But I no longer see that as limiting.
Instead, I understand that motherhood is the best part of God's plan for us and that therein lies grace.
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- To read Dr. Anderson's article in full please see The Impact of Family Structure on the Health of Children: Effects of Divorce at the National Library of Medicine website.
- For more on this topic, please see my video on Toxic Feminism. Or Listen to the audio via the podcast player below.
Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee. - Augustine of Hippo, Confessions of St. Augustine
Dark Fiction and Me
I wrote several manuscripts when I was away from the faith. And to this day, even though I am a very, though not entirely different person, I still like the one I wrote about vampires best.
The only problem is, I have no idea what to do with it. It is too dark. Too flawed. Too who-I-used-to-be.
So, you can imagine my excitement, when I learned that the Catholic Writers Guild (or CWG) 2022 online conference was offering a panel called "Harrowings: Trauma and Darkness in Catholic Fiction."
The CWG Panelists
There were four people on the Harrowings panel: a moderator, Dr. William Gonch, SciFi author, Matthew P. Schmidt, and paranormal and fantasy authors, J.B. Toner and Karen Ullo.
Although, I hadn't come to the panel to to ask about my own work, the question I found myself typing into the Q & A box was about one of my old, orphaned vampire stories. I wanted to know if it was possible to fix a story written back when I was a different person, alone in the dark.
The Advice I Was Given
Matthew P. Schmidt
When answering my question SciFi author Matthew Schmidt referenced his own book, World of Wishes, which he started seven years earlier and had just recently finished. Schmidt pointed out that the current plot of World of Wishes, hinges on a Catholic element, which wasn't even included in the original draft. This missing piece, which was added in revision, made it possible for him to finish the book.
Schmidt's comments helped me, because I realized that there were important Catholic elements missing from my story too. In the original vampire draft, I was writing from a place of faithlessness. So I hadn't even bothered to include accepted vampire lore about the power of crucifixes and other sacramentals. These were elements that I needed to add in, I realized, when I revised the storyline.
J.B. Toner
J.B. Toner, author of Whisper Music talked about Anne Rice, and the great Victorian poet Gerald Manley Hopkins who "burned the poems he wrote in his youth when he became a priest." Toner went on to say this, about Hopkins and writing and darkness:
[That Hopkin's burned his poetry] ...is kind of tragic but I get why – because I look back to things I’ve written in my life, when I was not being a good Catholic, and some of it is stuff that I am personally ashamed of because of the way it reflects on me as a person. But, that is a separate question from: Is it artistically good and could it benefit readers? And what we always have to keep doing is take ourselves out of it. Remove ourselves, remove our egos, from the process, because I’ve written this thing and if people read it it might make me look bad but it doesn’t matter…because it might help them. Go back to it with what you know now, read through it honestly - if you think that it has potential to be good - [and] maybe you can fix it in light of what you’ve learned since you wrote it - then I think it’s absolutely worth a second chance even if, maybe especially if, it’s very hard to do - because that’s really where the best writing comes from.
These comments meant a lot to me. At my core I know that ego is very much a part of this. I was struggling with some dark things when I wrote my vampire story and I do worry about what people will think about me when they read it. This is something I need to get a handle on.
And the advice and encouragement meant a lot to me.
Karen Ullo
Karen Ullo, author of Jennifer the Damned (which I loved and previously reviewed here) and editor for Chrism Press, had some excellent advice as well. She began by referencing a beautiful, literate novel (which I also loved) called City Mother. Ullo edited this book for Chrism and shared a bit about the author, Maya Sinha. As it turns out, Sinha began City Mother before she became a Catholic then went back to it after and saw there were Catholic elements already embedded there.
Ullo went on to say:
The book couldn’t be written until she became Catholic because that’s what was missing from the story. And honestly that’s what’s missing from the story of our own lives, the story of salvation… I highly recommend the Sci-Fi fantasy critique group to bring to find those elements that can be teased out - Because I suspect, just like Maya, our hearts are restless until they rest in thee - so those element of longing, those elements of looking for redemption, looking for faith are always going to be there, no matter who wrote it at what point in time – if they were being honest. So it’s there, whatever it is, it’s there you just have to find it.
I loved hearing this because I think that Karen Ullo is absolutely right. We are always waiting to be redeemed, whether we know it or not. This was my own personal experience, in fact, all through the darkness.
Of God and Darkness
In the first few months, after the conference I took a stab at editing my old work. I was trying to take myself out of my own way, as J.B. Toner had talked about. But I couldn't really do it. So I didn't make a lot of progress on my revisions.
But I did pray about what I was trying to do and, as I did, one thing became clear to me. If I was going to rewrite this particular story - evil would have to be evil. It could still be bright and sparkly and pretty and but, underneath the glitz, the bad guys would have to actually do what bad guys do.
Just as importantly, the good guys (or girls) had to really and truly oppose them.
So I took another look at the original manuscript and was surprised to see that this theme really was already there (in a confused sort of way). And I began to feel that I might have something I could work with.
I started to participate in the CWG critique group. As the weeks passed, I began to feel that putting my old vampire fiction up for discussion might be a good idea. Finally, this week, I did just that.
I have not forgotten how, in the wake of NaNoWriMo, I was absolutely convinced that returning to my old fiction was a mistake (as is on record in this video and in episode 5 of the podcast).
And, the truth is, I'm still not convinced I was wrong about that. I don't know if my vampire story is salvageable. I don't know if I will ever publish it. But, because of the Harrowings panel, I'm going to give it a shot.
As always, I will keep you in the loop.
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- Check out the Catholic Writers Guild at: CatholicWritersGuild.org
- Visit Matthew P. Schmidt's website at: MatthewPSchmidt.com
- Visit J.B. Toner's website at: JBtonerz.wixsite.com/website
- Visit Karen Ullo's website at: KarenUllo.com
There are Church approved books describing many instances of souls manifesting to the living to signal their need for prayer... Though souls in purgatory have been allowed to speak to the saints, that is usually not the situation for the average person.... In the cases of the saints they did not call up the spirits or seek guidance, information, or comfort from them. Once the request for prayer was made communication stopped on both sides... Any communication beyond “help me,” or some other request for prayer, is almost certainly demonic deception. - Possessions, Exorcisms and Hauntings
Why the Interest in Spiritual Warfare & the Demonic?
I've been studying spiritual warfare and the demonic (along with a range of traditional Catholic topics) ever since I came back to the Catholic Church in May of 2020. Some of the reasons for my interest in these topics include:
- I had direct personal experience with the demonic when I was involved in the occult and I was still confused about some of the things that had happened to me.
- I was experiencing a lot of spiritual warfare (and actually still do) because of the many doors I had opened during my time in the occult and needed to learn more about how to deal with it.
- I love to read and take notes and learn new things. One of the best feelings I know is the one you get when things that didn't make sense before finally start to fall into place.
Why I Almost Didn't Blog on These Topics
When I first started this blog almost two years ago, I called it New Age to Catholic. Mostly because I didn't want to admit that most of what I had been doing in the "New Age" was plain and unadulterated occultism. While it can be successfully argued that the New Age is filled with occult practices, there is no debating the fact that what I was doing was darker.
There was a part of me that just didn't want to admit that. And even after I came to terms with it, I didn't want to blog about it for the following reasons.
I thought people would consider a blog about such topics weird or dark.
And, the truth is, some do. They aren't completely wrong either because demons are dark. The problem is, pretending they don't exist only make it easier for them to operate. I still don't like the idea of being judged, however - and that is something that enemy has used against me over and over again.
I was afraid I'd experience an uptick in spiritual warfare. This has happened. A couple days after I renamed the blog, I was so anxious about how people would react to it that I almost took it down. At 3 in the morning! Then I realized how over the top that kind of anxiety was. I've been writing and speaking publicly on various platforms since 2010 so it's very out of character for me to worry that much about anything I say online.
This wasn't the only episode of spiritual warfare I had to deal with but it was an instance that was relatively easy to fix. My anxiety faded quickly as I recited the Rosary in Latin and I fell asleep without deleting the site.
I was afraid that other Catholics would tell me I had no business writing on spiritual warfare & demonic influence
I haven't dealt with this directly as of yet, but I do know that many priests and exorcists have reservations about people who become overly interested in spiritual warfare and the demonology. And I do understand this concern. Especially because a lot of people are drawn to dark topics and it can cause problems.
Adam Blai, a psychologist and Church sanctioned lay demonologist deals with this issue in the question and answer section in the back of his very helpful book Possession, Exorcism and Hauntings (affiliate link).
Q: How do I become a demonologist? A: Why would you want to? Many people in the paranormal community, and in the public, seem to think demonology is "cool" or "exciting" or will make them famous. These reasons fade very quickly for those who actually meet a demon. Being a demonologist is a spiritual calling that leads one to live part of their life in nightmare environments of intense physical, emotional, and spiritual suffering that people go through. People don't choose to be demonologists or exorcists; God makes people demonologists or exorcists.
I don't necessarily disagree with the points made here. Because Blai is a practicing psychologist and a demonologist, I believe that he does see a LOT of suffering and I commend him for the work that he does. While I am certainly not an expert, however, I still feel called to share my own personal experience.
I was worried that it might be a slippery slope.
This, I think, is the concern most priests have when a member of their flock develops an interest in demonology, spiritual warfare or related topics - which I completely understand. There are many different ways that the devil can trip us up and I know, from experience, that people with an interest in the dark topics are definitely at risk.
But I don't think that ignorance is the answer. And I don't think that we can escape the devil's notice by keeping a low profile, either. Instead, I am convinced that our safety lies in our devotion to our Catholic faith. The more experience we have topics like this, the more focused our spiritual life needs to be. Some people may be able to get by as lukewarm Catholics. Those of us who have tiptoed through the dark cannot. To me, this alone is worth sharing.
Why I Decided to Blog on this Topic
It's one thing to read about spiritual warfare and the demonic, however, and another thing to publicly blog on it.
When I first started talking about my past experience in the occult, I didn't go into any real detail about my own experience with demons. But as time passed I began to become more and more aware of the degree of demonic activity in our society as a whole. And it concerned me.
So I decided that it made sense to talk about what had happened to me and what I am learning about it in hopes it will be of some use to others. In upcoming posts, I'll be sharing more about spiritual warfare and demonic influence from a Catholic perspective. So please do check back!
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To read my online testimony about my experience in the New Age and occult, please click here.
The Ghost of Tauriana
Bishop Felix…said that he had been told of such a case by a saintly priest who was still living two years ago in the diocese of Centum Cellae as pastor of the Church of St. John in Tauriana [Italy]. This priest used to bathe in the hot springs of Tauriana whenever his health required. One day, as he entered the baths, he found a stranger there who showed himself most helpful in every way possible, by unlatching his shoes, taking care of his clothes, and furnishing him towels after the hot bath.After several experiences of this kind, the priest said the himself: ‘It would not do for me to appear ungrateful to this man who is so devoted in his kind services to me. I must reward him in some way.’ So one day he took along two crown-shaped loaves of bread to give him.When he arrived at the place, the man was already waiting for him and rendered the same services he had before. After the bath, when the priest was again fully dressed and ready to leave, he offered the man the present of bread, asking him kindly to accept it as a blessing, for it was offered a token of charity.But the man sighed mournfully and said, "Why do you give it to me, Father? That bread is holy and I cannot eat it. I who stand before you was once the owner of this place. It is because of my sins that I was sent back here as a servant. If you wish to do something for me, then offer this bread to almighty God, and so make intercession for me, a sinner. When you come back and do not find me here, you will know that your prayers have been heard."With these words he disappeared, thus showing that he was a spirit disguised as a man. The priest spent the entire week in prayer and tearful supplications, offering Mass for him daily. When he returned to the bath, the man was no longer to be found. This incident points out the great benefits souls derive from the Sacrifice of the Mass. Because of these benefits the dead ask us, the living, to have Masses offered for them, and even show us by signs that it was through the Mass that they were pardoned.
My Takeaway
Making Amends
Amends is a synonym of reparation. As nouns the difference between reparation and amends is that reparation is (usually in plural) a payment of time, effort or money to undo past transgression(s) while amends is compensation for a loss or injury; recompense; reparation.
Purgatory on Earth?
"A very probable opinion,” says St. Thomas, “and one which, moreover, corresponds with the words of the saints in particular revelation, is that Purgatory has a double place for expiation. The first will be destined for the generality of souls, and is situated below, near to Hell; the second will be for particular cases, and it is from thence that so many apparitions occur.” (Suppl., part. 3, ques. ult.). The holy Doctor admits, then, like so many others who share his opinions, that sometimes Divine Justice assigns a special place of purification to certain souls, and even permits them to appear either to instruct the living or to procure for the departed the suffrages of which they stand in need; sometimes also for other motives worthy of the wisdom and mercy of God.
What Spirits Want
- The conversation between the living and the dead was limited to the topic of sin, making amends and the request for prayer and Masses. The priest in the story didn't try to contact the spirit again in order to satisfy his own curiosity. Instead, this man of God immediately turned to prayer and supplication and the offering of the Mass. This, in my opinion, is a lesson to us all.
- The spirit said he had been sent to the bathhouse. This is consistent with the fact that the departed appear to us ONLY by the grace of God. They do not chose to be here. We do not summon them. Nor do we see them because we have some special ability that others lack. It is up to God to assign a departed soul to heaven, hell or purgatory. And it is up to Him to allow them to contact the living (though, judging from Luke 16:19-31, it seems that those in hell are not granted this privilege).
- The departed could not eat and, in this case, was unable to take the "holy bread." To me, this sounds like a reminder that the dead cannot receive the Host. This lines up with the Catholic teaching on purgatory, as I understand it. In contrast with our earthly life, once in purgatory we cannot actively develop virtue, but are only able to be passively purified of sin. This is why the holy souls in purgatory need our prayers!
- The Dialogues of St. Gregory (affiliate link) is available on Amazon as is Purgatory Explained (affiliate link) by Rev. Fr. F. X. Schouppe S.J. The Dialogues can also be found for free online.
- Please note that if you purchase through one of my affiliate links, I may earn a small commission at no cost to you.
This is the cover for my new Latin-English Rosary ebooklet.
The Latin-English Rosary ebooklet will be an expanded version of my shop's Latin-English Rosary trifold. The ebooklet will be available for digital download and formatted for Kindle or other ereaders. I decided to create a second Latin-English Rosary resource because, while people like the trifold, it really only works as a printable.
This will be my next nonfiction project and my first self-published ebook. Please look for it in my Etsy shop over the summer.
I also wanted to let everyone know that my new 54 Day Novena printable booklet is finished. I will be listing it in the shop next week!
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If you're interested in the Latin-English Rosary trifold, please click here: Rosary Trifold
If you want to stay updated on new blog posts and shop items please sign up for my email list here. If you're only interested in shop updates, please follow my shop, Catholic Book And Card, on Etsy!
Crystals in the Occult
- The connection between New Age ideas about the "power" of crystals and witchcraft.
- The absence of true supernatural properties within inanimate objects.
- Blessed objects and cursed objects.
- How crystals are used in spellcasting and ceremonial magic.
- The true nature of magic and how our ancestors had a better handle on this than we do.
- My own personal experience of the demonic through the application of crystals.
The Smoke and Mirrors Effect
I'm not sure that I articulated them clearly in the video, so I thought it might be helpful to summarize them here.
The Three Differences I've Noticed
1. Catholic meditation or meditative prayer is part of a larger, well defined structure.
2. The object of Catholic meditation is God.
3. Catholic meditation is an effective form of spiritual warfare.
In Summary
About Catholic and Non-Catholic Meditation
This video is about the difference between Catholic meditation or meditative prayer and non-Catholic meditation.
Catholic meditation, like all prayer, helps lift our minds and hearts to God. Popular non-Catholic meditations do not focus on God. Popular forms of meditation includes New Age and Eastern meditation as well as more generic "non-spiritual" meditation.
Non-Catholic meditation has become VERY mainstream over the last couple of decades. It is now widely recommended by doctors and therapists. Professionals will often say that the type of meditation they reccomend isn't in any way spiritual - but on some level most are.
Because most people who have returned to the Church after time in the New Age or occult understand that popular meditation is a form of alternate spirituality, they avoid meditation altogether. But, while non-Catholic meditation can be spiritually dangerous, Catholic meditation has a great deal to offer.
I share more on the nature and practice of Catholic meditation - and how it differs from other kinds of meditation - in the video above In my next post I'll talk about the 3 key differences between Catholic and non-Catholic meditation, and the reason why non-Catholic meditation can be spiritually unsafe.
So please check back!
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